My Rules to T-shirts

So many guys get this simple garment so wrong, follow these rules and you’ll know what to look for when next you go shopping for this wardrobe basic.

The Fit:

The term ‘T-shirt’ refers to a broad range of garments but this rule applies to all, get the fit right. Go into the store, grab the tee, take it to the change rooms and put it on, look in the mirror, if it’s too big you’ll look fat, if it’s too small you’ll look fat or NSFW (i.e. nipples and a bit of midriff can be seen). Where design clash with fit: when you want to wear a purposely baggy/oversized shirt, buy one meant to be worn that way, bigger sizes are made for bigger people and when you wear them the width to height ratio will be totally off and you’ll look obese. When you want to wear an extremely fitted tee you should come out of the closet already.

The Shape:

T-shirts being the most worn thing on the planet are also the most over-designed and re-invented type of garment and because of this, there are billions of variations. Longer length, shorter fitted sleeves and curved hems seem to be in at the moment but if you’ve got bigger thighs and skinny arms this shape would look disastrous. Try go for a more classic style; long enough to cover your belt but short enough that you can still see the crotch on your pants, with a straight hem and medium semi-fitted sleeves (which can be rolled up), this style works on everyone and is really what a tee should be.

The Neckline:

The neckline of a shirt can make or break a tee, so beware. All necklines should be in ribbing or perhaps the same fabric as the shirt but a neckline should never be a raw cut edge, no matter how cool it looks in the shop, DON’T BUY IT, after one wash it’ll roll and look retarded.

The regular round neck: this neckline is classic and works on everyone, it shouldn’t be tight nor loose, it should just sit nicely on the collar bones.

Scoop necks: these necklines in their extremes would get a girl arrested for indecent exposure if she wore one, a regular scoop isn’t very flattering at the best of times, unless the shirt ticks every other box, avoid this neckline.

The boat neck: Are you a Gondolier? Oh you are? By all means don your boat neck tee. Enough said.

The ‘V’ neck: these are regarded as the most flattering neckline, which is not entirely incorrect, however tees that have ‘V’ necks are often super fitted with far too much chest exposed and designed for Jersey Shore juiceheads and twinks playing straight, if you can find a ‘V’ neck that won’t make you look like either of those things then you’ve got yourself a gem.

Grandpa necklines: These seem to be an extremely popular trend that has lasted a while, they can look dope with one or two buttons undone which will give you a ‘V’ neckline with a bit of interest, but I find that too be a bit much, I own one that I rarely wear, it’s not very versatile.

The Colour/Print:

This is the bit that so many men and designers get so wrong. Less is more! There’s nothing fresher than a nice simple tee in a simple, basic colour or print. What are simple, basic colours or prints you ask? All primary and secondary colours on the colour wheel in both cool and warm work as well as navy, black and white, avoid washed out colours or colours that you don’t know the name of. As for prints; you can’t go past a simple bi-colour horizontal stripe (though technically this is not flattering). Try avoiding statement image prints; they often feature people’s faces, shoes or sunglasses: you have a face, you have shoes, you have sunglasses, you don’t need a picture of these things displayed for the world. Statement text-printed shirts can be ok as long as the text is obscure, no jokes, puns or brand names, something like “I COULD EFFING DIE’ in big black letters on a white oversized tee would be pretty dope ;).

The exception: FANDOM!1!111!!!!

This is where you get to throw all the colour/print rules out the window, T-shirts are the most common and traditional form of band/superhero merchandising there is, celebrate the obscure shit you like by wearing it proudly and revel in all the people who don’t know what that odd quote is referencing, better yet; find companionship with the fellow nerd who does.

On Pockets and Long Sleeves:

A single, simple, breast patch pocket is fine, avoid statement printed/coloured pockets, they may be on trend right now, but won’t be for long.

Long sleeve tees can be good for layering but you won’t get much wear out of them, I own one.

THE END. NOW YOU’LL LOOK DOPE. TRUST ME.